And that goes for HGTV, too. And Facebook. And nearly all of the other blogs out there. Mine included.
A friend and I were talking yesterday about how reading blogs – especially those written by healthy-living bloggers or stay-at-home moms with beautiful houses and high-end cameras – can distort our perception of ourselves. We hold a yardstick next to our lives – messy, busy, great but tiring, with kitchens that get dirty and cars that need an oil change – and compare it to these women who seem to have it all plus the perfect top-knot to boot, and … well … we find ourselves lacking. It feels like a competition.
It’s hard to remember that we see only what they want us to see.
My deep, abiding love for Pinterest is no secret. Yet, I have to admit, I don’t think it’s the healthiest indulgence. I pin picture after picture of cozy cabin bedrooms or hamocks on wide-boarded porches or funky yet perfectly staged living rooms. Then I look up from my laptop at a tiny apartment with Craigslisted furniture and my heart sinks. But it shouldn’t. I am damn lucky. While I would give my left arm for a washer and dryer and second closet (oh, and yard please!), our place is cute and has great windows and allows us to live below our means. And it’s ours. Our first place. No, we don’t own it, but we also don’t have to sweat bullets when the faucet leaks or air conditioner blows out.
I would love to have the perfect marriage and perfect family and perfect house with the perfect garden and perfectly DIYed dining table. Not to mention the perfect career and perfect ass and perfect Anthrolopologie wardrobe.
Or would I?
Le sigh*
Honestly – yes, kind of. These are all things I value and/or covet. At the same time “perfect” sounds pretty boring. What would challenge me? What would I rail against? What would be on my endless to-do list?
What would be the point?
And, of course, there is the little matter that perfection is an illusion. People use the internet to create an idealized version of their life. They post rage-inducing vacation pictures on Facebook and link to intelligent articles on twitter to show they are globally-minded. They write blog posts about their workouts and organic meals and post pictures of their adorable laughing kids or newest West Elm purchase.
Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.
And yet…
Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous.
Just an impromptu screening in my backyard.**
This is normal. It’s human nature to want to put your best face forward, to convince the world that you are in control of your life and everything’s just grand. To want to be envied, just a little bit. And it is, unfortunately, human nature to look at what others have and assume their life is better, easier, and more fulfilling than your own.
But it’s all bullshit.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with Pinterest or Facebook or blogging. I enjoy all of it. But the internet is this clusterfuck of beautiful lies, and it’s easy to be blinded by the message that is so carefully crafted by everyone involved.
By the way, I realize that this is all quite self-absorbed. This blogging, pinning, and pining away. This ridiculous quest for perfection. I don’t think there is anything wrong with seeking happiness, but I know I need to let go of my desire for perfection. It leads me to focus my efforts on crafting this impossible life instead of dedicating my energy to something worthwhile, like real, tangible, day-to-day relationships. Or giving to others. Or even just stopping to relish a sunny afternoon. It leads me down a dark and lonely path of comparison, competition, and dissatisfaction. It leads me to nowhere.
Dream***
The quest for perfection detracts from what matters.
I don’t know why we do this to ourselves. And I don’t blame the source. I just need to remember that the power to change my perception, to understand that what I read is only a sliver of reality, lies within.
Ah…so true. It is all in your perspective, though, isn’t it?
I sometimes will post pictures on facebook of the sun rising over the Atlantic Ocean – beautiful pictures, not because I am such a great photographer (which I am not), but rather because the sunrise is so beautiful. Facebook friends will respond about living the charmed life, being jealous, etc. How could I not love where I live? I recently told one friend that I should start posting as a reality-check pictures of the garbage people leave behind on the beach, the rundown houses and boarded-up businesses just across the freeway, the littler carelessly strewn along the roadsides, and newspaper articles about the inconsiderate behavior of those who live here…but, maybe we need to see the beauty to give us hope.
Absolutely! And I think it is totally fine to put the best side of things online. Plus, I think it’s nice that you focus on the beautiful ocean sun rise rather than some of the less seemly aspects of your hometown. Ashley from Under the Sycamore Tree wrote an awesome post a while back about how she uses photograhy to “edit” her life (and showed this cute cropped picture of her kids feet – then showed the whole picture with one of the kids screaming). I think you’re right – we need to see the beauty to give us hope! 🙂
You are talking about the most fascinating balance test I think about! Just another reason I love reading your blog – a great balance of humor, excellent writing, pretty things, and some reality bites type of wake-up perspective.
The attitude/perspective/power-of-the-mind you write about is at play in every aspect of life. I view it as a muscle to be kept in shape, or a practice that can be applied in everyday situations in order to prepare me for more meaningful challenges.
Awww thanks! 🙂 I love that idea – that perspective is a muscle that needs to be kept in shape. I think that’s a great way to put it! It’s one more example that this is all a journey and we are (hopefully) always growing.
Imagine if you ever achieved *all* of those things – the perfect living room/house/marriage/family/work/body/etc/etc – you would indeed be bored. I think we’re all striving for some, if not all, of those things, so there’s nothing wrong with it, we just have to temper our lust for perfection with an appreciation of what we actually do have. Given enough money, we could probably achieve perfection. But happiness? No way. I pity those people who miss out on the longing for something just because they have enough money to buy it outright, without the justifying, debating, and dithering the rest of us go through before we splash out on the latest iPerfection. The thrill is of the chase, after all.
As for being envied – you are, and I’m guessing by more than just me. If people didn’t, then I don’t think they’d follow your blog. Personally, I envy you for your cats (my husband’s allergic to them – boohoo), your witty and engaging writing, your successful blog… I could go on.
So from my little corner of England, to your little (?) corner over the pond, a big thumbs up – sounds like you’re doing just fine to me! 🙂
(But don’t forget to stop sometimes to smell the flowers, or turn your face to the sun, or smile at the expectant furry faces on your doorstep)
You are so kind! Yet, that is one reason I included my blog in the list of things I can’t live up to – I definitely use it as a place to focus on the positive and/or a way to grow. At the same moment I am reminding myself that what I see online is a snipit of reality, I am posting cute pictures of my cats (and not of the pile of bills on the desk). I totally agree with you about the gift of the struggle. When we see people who seem to have it easy (plenty of money, taking a lot of trips, whatever), Eric will often remark that he doesn’t want to be that “comfortable.” He thinks it would be boring to have everything at your fingertips. And while I wouldn’t turn down the chance to laze about my days in a cozy beach house (ha), I see his point! What we have is much more meaningful when we don’t have it all, huh?
This is why I’ve really stopped using facebook and don’t really pin anymore either. I found that I would get to caught up in what other people are doing and compare myself. I try really hard now to stop and think, “what do I want to do today”, then it got my creative juices flowing so much more and seeing someone elses perception of perfection.
This is so often how I feel – I’m glad you put it into words and I’m not the only one 🙂